Crack In The Wall

I build the wall

Brick by brick

Fill the gaps with happiness

Flimsy though it may be

I make sure

The darkness stays out

Surround my lair with rainbows

Sunlight, pictures of my puppy

The thunder clouds roll in

Demons of past mistakes

Manifest and magnify

Lightning flashes of regrets

Scorch my fragile walls

The darkness starts to spread

The waves – indolent so far

Perk up

Imbued with the strength of doom

And gloom

They grow inch by inch

Taller than my fortress

One miniscule crack, one tiny hole

That I had forgotten to seal

Betrays me

The gigantic wave turns its head towards me

I cower back

Please, Please

No – I beg silently

The thunder of failure mocks me

Asks me

Did you think you could hide?

Please, Plese

Let me be

Let me feel safe, I say

Let me hide in my fortress

I promise I won’t go seeking

For things I don’t deserve

Oh, please – I beseech

The wave rears its ugly head

Looks down on my puny fortress

It springs back

And lets LOOSE

With a ferocious roar

Smashes down onto my hut

Blows it to smithereens

I am swept away

Trying to keep myself from drowning

In the deep, dark coldness

You can never hide from me

Come be with me

The water rises above my head

The wave pulls me in

And I…..

I give in

I give up

 

 

Passive Onlooker

The sun rises

The birds chirp

The squirrels dart

I wait

Will today be the day?

My wishes come true

My dreams materialize

I know not

But I wait

Cars pass by

Dogs walk past

Humans run

School kids hop

I wait

Is it my time now?

Will I finally move forward?

Sun is at midpoint

The light is blinding

Drive throughs are packed

I wait

Have the stars aligned yet?

Do I have a future?

Will I be something?

The honking heralds

The return of office-goers

Dogs walked again

Children chattering, playing

The eveningbreeze

Announces the arrival

Of the end of the day

I wait

Hope still fluttering in my chest

It can still happen

I whisper fervently

And I wait

The darkness descends

Stars start to twinkle

Creatures retire for the night

And I

I still wait

 

My lovely little canine

I love you

Yes, I do

A lot

Don’t want to go anywhere

Without you

I cannot bear

To put you in the crate

Those brown reproachful eyes

Those little paws

That go pitter-patter

Follow me everywhere

Like I am your heroine

Your love, your light

Can’t you see?

My lovely little canine

I am broken

I am scarred

Not sure I can handle

The love you give

The love you want

Then again

Do you see something?

Beyond the scars?

Beyond the walls?

Beyond the numbness?

Do you believe?

I deserve love

I deserve

To be your light

Is that why you are here?

To make me feel

To make me realize

To make me experience

The self-worth, the self-love I’ve lost

Is that why you are here?

Because you want

To be my light

To be my medicine

To be my life

Is that why you are here?

 

 

 

 

 

 

HOMELESS MAN

I see the homeless man

Everyday

Sombrero on head

Beads around his neck

Boombox in hand

He walks his own path

To his music

Some days he pan handles

Others – he rocks out to the music

 

Should I pity you?

Or envy you?

Oh, homeless man

Have you hit rock bottom?

Or have you attained Nirvana?

You seem not to care

About what others think

You seem not to care

About how you have to dress

You seem not to worry

About your next meal

You seem not to worry

When the elements rage

Have you broken free from the shackles?

Or have you given up?

Unable to bear their weight

Either way

You are unabashedly

living, dressing, behaving

The way you want to

Maybe it is a blessing

Maybe it is a curse

Maybe it is freedom

Maybe it is an illness

Maybe you are in your own cell of sadness

Brought on by this world’s madness

Or maybe you are

In your own cocoon of happiness

Because you walked away from this world’s mess

 

Oh, homeless man

I salute you

Rather than pity you

Continue your journey

With your sombrero, beads and boombox

 

 

 

 

Fear, Doubt, Failure

Three ever faithful compaions

Never leave you

No, never

When you are down

There they are

Waiting with open arms

To receive you

To love you

When you are up

There they are

To remind you

They are waiting

For you

To receive you

To love you

When you run to the light

They are right behind you

Gently reminding you

There they are

Waiting with open arms

To love you

To receive you

When you run to the darkness

There they are

Waiting again with open arms

To love you

To receive you

Fear, doubt, failure

Three constant loyal companions

Never fear, worry or doubt you will fail

Because there they are

And always will be

To love you

To receive you

With open arms

Like a Yo-Yo

I bounce to the right

Veer back to the left

I lean into the day

Slip back into the night

One day – joy, happiness

The next – gloom, sadness

I look forward to something

Slip back into nothing

Up and down

Side to side

Up and down

Side to side

So tired of yo-yoing

Want a firm landing

When, when, when?

When will this happen?

How long, long, long?

Can I sing this sad song?

Please, let me stop

Please!

Let me not miss life

Good bye Tequila

My dearest Tequila

It is time to say goodbye

You see

I love you

A lot

You comfort me

When I need some reassurance

You make me feel weightless

Like I have no cares in this world

You make me float

In space

But then, my dear tequila

Reality comes knocking

Nay, crashing into my

Tequila infused world

And it says

You stupid human

Tequila can’t save you

No one can

Get your head out

Of the margarita filled clouds

Only you, only and only you

Can save yourself

Tequila cannot

Get up

Do something, anything

Don’t mope around

Asking Tequila to be best friend

And I realize

I hate this reality

But it is the truth

No one can rescue me

I have to do it

So you see

My dear Tequila

I will still visit you

Once in a while

But right now

I need to love myself

So Ii is time to say goodbye

I bid adieu