Passive Onlooker

The sun rises

The birds chirp

The squirrels dart

I wait

Will today be the day?

My wishes come true

My dreams materialize

I know not

But I wait

Cars pass by

Dogs walk past

Humans run

School kids hop

I wait

Is it my time now?

Will I finally move forward?

Sun is at midpoint

The light is blinding

Drive throughs are packed

I wait

Have the stars aligned yet?

Do I have a future?

Will I be something?

The honking heralds

The return of office-goers

Dogs walked again

Children chattering, playing

The eveningbreeze

Announces the arrival

Of the end of the day

I wait

Hope still fluttering in my chest

It can still happen

I whisper fervently

And I wait

The darkness descends

Stars start to twinkle

Creatures retire for the night

And I

I still wait

 

Good bye Tequila

My dearest Tequila

It is time to say goodbye

You see

I love you

A lot

You comfort me

When I need some reassurance

You make me feel weightless

Like I have no cares in this world

You make me float

In space

But then, my dear tequila

Reality comes knocking

Nay, crashing into my

Tequila infused world

And it says

You stupid human

Tequila can’t save you

No one can

Get your head out

Of the margarita filled clouds

Only you, only and only you

Can save yourself

Tequila cannot

Get up

Do something, anything

Don’t mope around

Asking Tequila to be best friend

And I realize

I hate this reality

But it is the truth

No one can rescue me

I have to do it

So you see

My dear Tequila

I will still visit you

Once in a while

But right now

I need to love myself

So Ii is time to say goodbye

I bid adieu

 

 

Can one person make a difference?

My son and I were having a conversation unfortunately about Charles Manson, My son wondered why Manson was charged when it was his followers who had committed the murders. So we had a discussion about how one person, one human can make a difference. One person can have a huge impact- negative or positive on humanity. We talked about Hitler who single handedly convinced his people to commit atrocities against the Jews. Yes, it was a collective group but one person was the mastermind behind it. Then I brought up Mahatma Gandhi – one individual who through his charisma, his faith and his teachings convinced a very divided nation of different religions, languages and cultures to unite and chase the British out of India.

Of course after this conversation was done, I turned on the self-analysis. I know I am in a rut- where I put myself. I feel depressed most of the time bemoaning the fact that I am not happy and that I feel like a failure. If these humans could undertake such great admirable and absolutely despicable feats, then can I not logically assume that I could also accomplish something. Isn’t that possible, doable?

And that realization hurts. Yes, I can be something. IF and that is a big IF- only IF I believe I can.

I know my goal is not to build  a nation or create an iphone. All I want to do is be a published author and lose weight. But I have to convince myself I can. Maybe then I can start the journey.

Break free

I stand on the edge

Looking longingly

The chain is loose

The chain is invisible

It is of my own making

All I have to do

Is take the leap

I can smell it

I can feel it

This is what it feels like

To be free

To be what you can be

I take another step closer

And….. I can’t

I can feel the chain

The one I made myself

Pulling me back

Tightening around my ankle

And the mind

It is tired

It sighs in submission

I look out and up

Longing, desiring, wanting

But not enough

Not enough to break the chain

Maybe another day

The heart consoles itself

Maybe another day

You will find

The strength to break free

Until then

Carry on

You have no choice

One day

It can happen