According to Merriam-Webster.com, self-confidence is confidence in oneself and his or her abilities. Applying it to my own life, I realize that it could mean different things.
Yesterday, I got another rejection- “your story is not a right fit for me”. I have lost count of the number of rejection letters I have received. Normally, I would let it bother me a little and then move on. I would try again.
Yesterday’s rejection came at a time when I am already feeling low, vulnerable.
Combined with losing my job, it shook me. What if I was truly a bad writer, a bad teacher? Maybe the universe is trying to tell me something. Maybe it is time to quit, be sensible- find a job I am not bad at and quit writing. My self-confidence had a taken a huge hit.
After all these self-defeating thoughts had mentally lashed me and left me feeling exhausted, I decided to go for a walk. If ever you are stressed, go for a walk in nature. It calms you down.
And I realized something. Self-confidence did not mean just having faith in your abilities or yourself. What exactly does having confidence in oneself mean anyway?
This is what I realized it means- to me. It meant believing in my ability to succeed as an author, believing I am good at telling stories, having confidence that I am a good teacher. All these formed sections, parts of my overall self-confidence. But most importantly, having confidence in my ability to survive the dark times, believing I could bounce back after hitting rock bottom and absolutely having faith that I could surmount any obstacle and SUCCEED. That is the epitome of self-confidence.
If I didn’t believe I could make it but had the self-confidence that I was a good writer, I will not get very far.
Like I said, self-confidence is different things to me, different layers if you will.
As Aristotle put it, “The whole is greater than the sum of its parts”.