Self-introspection


I have been a stay at home mom for several years now. Now my children are growing up and I feel like I should do something with my life. I know I need to do something more substantial than what I am doing right now. Of course, there are other personal reasons I don’t want to acknowledge or accept.

Anyway, I had been yo-yoing about getting my teaching license for a few years now. I decided to take some action. Before I could change my mind, I had paid the fee and registered to take the teacher certification exam. Now, I couldn’t back out. I had to take the exam. I had six days to prepare for the exam. I put in the effort. I studied. But as you get older (this is my observation). your brain just doesn’t want to cooperate, doesn’t want to hold information.

I couldn’t remember concepts. I am not a genius but I am certainly not dumb.

With two days to go, I was having nightmares. I was sleeping fitfully. I realized how much I had changed.

Twenty years before, when I went to take the GRE, I wasn’t as prepared, but I was confident. Fast forward to now. I was anxious, stressed, agitated and losing sleep.

Life certainly had taken a toll on me. That made me wonder.

What makes one person so confident and meet life head on and not be cowed down? And what makes others like me turn from a confident, arrogant woman to an anxious, stressed out, insecure person? Is it me? Is it the environment I live in? Is it the people I am with? Or a combination of all these?

Maybe some of us are just better equipped mentally and emotionally to deal with life.

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