My biggest supporter

Sometime ago, I went to take my teacher certification examination. The last thirty minutes of the exam, I was convinced I was going to fail. My brain was frozen. I was in a panic. Basic concepts deserted me. My mind was blank. I could feel the tears forming at the back of my eyes. I somehow managed to finish the exam and stumbled out of the room. I didn’t even make eye contact with the proctor as she handed me the unofficial pass/fail report. I got in my car and let the tears have free reign.

As I sobbed and wept, I debated. Dare I take a peek at the report? I didn’t want to, but the logical part of my brain asserted itself. “You have to know at some point. You are already crying. What’s the big deal about shedding a few more tears?” it asked me.

Ignorance is bliss, I argued back. “Yes, bur for how long? And how is that going to help you?” It countered back.

After going back and forth with myself, I decided I should take a look. I mean, I was already upset. The result would either confirm what I already knew or GASP! – give me a pleasant surprise if I was wrong.

I forced myself to open the report. I was SHOCKED! I screamed. I looked again. I had PASSED – all the subtests. I had PASSED – ALL THE SUBTESTS!! I had PASSED the exam. At first, I thought, no this can’t be right. The tears must be affecting my vision. I checked a few more times. Nope, it wasn’t my vision. I actually had passed. I laughed. I cried some more. What’s the big deal in shedding a few more tears, right? I thanked GOD.

I started to drive home. I was on top of the world. From deep below, in a few seconds, I had gone to the top of the world. It was a boost of confidence for me – a shot in the arm if you will.

My head was a boiling pot of overflowing thoughts. If I could accomplish this, then logically speaking, could I not accomplish something else? Something that I thought I could not achieve? I obviously didn’t think I was going to pass but I did. Since I had, wasn’t it possible that I just might make it to my next goal?

I realized that the strength to take the exam and pass had come from me. And it can come again – from me. I am my biggest supporter. No one else can be.


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