What do I do?


After 12 years as a stay at home, I went back to work. I was hired as an ESE teacher for a self-contained classroom. I lasted 12 weeks. I quit. Today is the fourth day since I resigned.

What do I do now? I lie awake at night kicking myself mentally for quitting without having another job in hand. At the same time, I have never  been more sure of anything in my life. Quitting this job was the second best decision I have taken in my life.

What I really want to do is 1) be an author and 2) teach Language Arts in middle school. I am working towards both those goals.

Why then am I stressed? Anxious? Feel like I am a loser?

On the one hand, I can’t stop thinking abut all the ifs and buts.  On the other, I realize that I can’t worry. I have to let myself go, go with the flow of life, go wherever tomorrow takes me, go and deal with whatever comes my way.

This morning I decided that I was going to stop being my worst enemy, being my worst critic, being my worst bully.

I have identified what  I want. I am taking steps to achieve these goals. That is all I can do. That is all I can control.

Will I realize my dreams? I don’t know.

Can I work towards manifesting them? Yes, I can.

And if things don’t work out the way I want, will I be disappointed? Yes, I will.

But can I control my emotions, refocus and try again? Yes, I can.

So, I am going to focus on what I can do, stay positive and let life happen.

And there will be no greater achievement than that for me.

All I can do is try and hope for the best.

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